Too Pretty To Be Fat.

I couldn't sleep last night. It seems when ever I have a successful day I can't sleep. And when that happens thoughts and memories float around in my head. I decided to tell you all about one in particular.

I was sitting some where(living room? I don't remember) eating a snack. My beloved Nana was there with me also eating. I was watching t.v.,she was watching me. When suddenly she asked me a question, "Do you ever think about loosing that weight, Mimi?". I was shocked by the spontaneity of her question, that I sat there dumbfounded for a few seconds before replying shakily "What do you mean,Nana?". I was trying my hardest not to cry. My own Nana thought I was fat? The one who's always there for me, who's so sweet. And she finds me so fat to ask me about it.

"Well you're so beautiful. And I think your weight is holding you back from...experiencing things."she as kindly as possible. But I could see the disgust, and disappointment in her eyes about my weight. I hated it, I hated seeing her feel that way about me. But most of all I hated myself even more, for making her feel this way.

"Nana, I'd rather not talk about this." I said quietly. All of a sudden I had an interest in the pale tile floor and couldn't look away from it.

"Mimi we need to talk about this. You're too pretty to be fat." she grabbed my hand and looked me in the eyes. With her usual kindness back in place of the disgust and disappointment. It didn't matter though. I felt like a hot knife had been stabbed through my chest. And that "too pretty" comment was it twisting around in their.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom." I said numbly.

"O.k. I love you,Mimi." "Love you too, Nana." I called over my back as I rushed into the bathroom.

Once there with the door securely closed behind me. I began to purge. Something I had done before and most certainly would again.

I'm not vain. But... I'm too pretty to be fat.(I guess)

Love you to the bones,
Mimi

Red Lipstick

Goal:500 Calories
1 lemon-17
2 corn on the cobs-100
1 1/2 chicken strips-285
1/2 banana-61
4 cups of green tea-0
Total:493calories


So I did fine for my first day of the ABC's. I didn't go to school today cause I over slept. Yesterday was good until dinner(of course). At first I wasn't going to purge,but then my dad started yelling at me. So I ended up purging instead of crying.

Yesterday at school was great! My crush talked to me a lot! I think he likes it when I wear my red lipstick, cause the last two days I've worn it he's taken an interest in me. Bonus about wearing lipstick is I'm eating less so I don't mess it up. :) Does this type of thing happen to you all with boys? Sorry if I sound stupid, I've just never had a boyfriend, been on a date, or even kissed. I know pathetic! But maybe Shon(my crush) can change that. ;) I wanna get skinny for him(even more motivation!).

Anyway from now on I'm going to wear red lipstick. So here's a few beautiful, thin ladies with lovely red pouts and some cute couples too. Enjoy.

Love you to the bones,
Mimi

Fuck.

*I should do this to myself*

I didn't get any sleep last night. So I went to school tired out of my mind. When I got home I crashed and didn't wake up until dinner. Then my dad shoved food down my throat and wouldn't let me near the bathroom after. God, this day fucking sucks!

Wednesday I start the ABC's, so I have one more day to make sure I get my shit in line. I'm going to try to fast tomorrow as a make up for screwing up to day. Honestly the ABC's should be easier cause its a structured diet. So I won't have be guessing shit, when left to make my own decision I tend to mess up.

Sorry this post is whinny anyone out there who is reading this. On the plus side I found an unopened bottle of diet pills my mom left from when she was here. That means another month before I have to figure out how to get more. Tomorrow shall be a better day! :)

Love you to the bones,
Mimi

Night.

I ate.

I purged.

That's all.


Love you to the bones,
Mimi

Its Raining, Its Pouring, The Old Man Is Snoring

I woke up to the sound of rain at 3:50p.m. I love rain! I don't know how to explain the feeling it gives me. Before it rains I always know and it makes me jittery, unable to focus. But once it starts I feel totally at peace, not tired though I feel powerful at the same time. Weird huh? :)

So to celebrate this great weather heres a few thinspo pictures, enjoy.

The fast is going well so far. All I've had is two big cups of iced green tea(No sugar,and when its hot I can't hold it down for some reason) and four bites of broccoli to get my brother to shut up at dinner.
Anyway I hope you all doing well. Let me know and if you want me to post.

Love you to the bones,
Mimi

Cassie Teaches Me A Lesson On Eating

I was bored so I edited some of my old post. Nothing that drastic just spell checked and tone down a lot on the exclamation points! Lol. But what I realized was how messy I was with this blog. And whinny, bitchy, oh and most of all needy. No wonder nobody followed this blog(except my six amazing followers). I wouldn't either it was a disaster! God, I got a headache reading it. Or maybe that's from fasting. Whatever my blog was still horrid. It won't be like that anymore though.

Now something that actually has to do with ED's. Does anyone else get mood swings when fasting for more than a day? Cause right now I'm getting short tempered for no reason at all. Also I'm thinking about dragging this fast out until Tuesday then starting the ABC's Wednesday. One problem with that plan is my father might actually eat with my brother and I tonight. We're eating yellow rice and chicken(one of my favorites), so I'm going to take a few tips from Cassie and hope they work. :D

She's so brilliant and lovely! Don't you agree? I miss her on Skins, its just not the same. So I hope this helps me. I'll update later to let you all know.

Love you to the bones,
Mimi
P.s. I made a We Heart It. Now I know there's not alot on it yet but I'll be working on it.
http://weheartit.com/AnaAndI

Guess Who's Back?

Hello again old friends,
Sorry I was gone so long(again). Nothing much has happened in the year since I left,except getting fatter. I also turned sixteen and started my freshmen year of highschool. But I won't carry on about my year away,if you have questions please ask them and I'll try my best to answer them. :)

Anyways I'm going to fast Saturday and Sunday,then right on back to the ABC's Monday. I need to loose a few pounds before I go to Disney next Saturday. And not to mention summer's around the corner,*shudder*.

Oh and I'm working on a project! Its a thinspiration board. I have sixteen pictures from old Teen Vogue magazines, and eight qoutes. I'll be adding two pictures and two qoutes every week. I also show you the updated version every Friday(I know its Saturday but I'll have it on time from now on). I know its not much now, but its a start so heres a picture:

(Sorry for the crappy webcam picture)
The qoutes from left top corner to the bottom: "Do you want to be rembered as the beautiful thin one?" "I love you to the bones."(my favorite) "Success won't just come to you- It has to be met at least half way" "Hunger is a feeling. Thin is a skill."
And top right corner to the bottom: "When she's exhausted she can not sleep; When she's hungry I don't let her eat; When I'm finished and set her free; She'll be perfect just like me." "Never lose sight of what you really want to accomplish." "Food is the hinderance to you success" "The greasy fry it cannot lie. The truth is written on your thigh."
The center is "Quod me nutrit me destruict." Which suppossedly means "What nourishes me destroys me." in Latin.

I love you to the bones,
Mimi